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Remember Courage Page 8
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That sneaky man was exaggerating about the dog slobber in order to lighten the mood and make her feel better. She knew without a doubt in that moment that dating Dylan wasn’t going to ever be something temporary in her world like she’d first imagined. She wasn’t going to be able to say ‘wait’ or ‘not right now’ when her classes started back up. Eva couldn’t give up on her goals or dreams – but she also knew for a fact that she would never, ever, give up on Dylan.
Chapter 9
Time was flying by in a blur.
Her classes started Monday and she was starting to feel a little panicked at how to manage her hectic schedule. The couple had begun spending so much time together, she wasn’t sure how she was going to manage studying, and confessed as much.
“We need to talk,” Eva began one afternoon. They were sitting on a picnic blanket, having some water and a light snack, giving them time to rest for a bit before continuing. It was a beautiful day out and should have felt like paradise. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, even the air had a sweet clean scent to it that felt like heaven.
They’d gone to the state park to walk a few trails, bringing Sweet’NLow with them. Dylan had brought up the idea of adopting the little dog as soon as he bought a home.
Everything was perfect, so why did she feel so horrible?
“About Sweet’NLow?” he asked in surprise, his hands freezing from where they were rubbing her shoulders gently. He’d taken a seat just behind her on the blanket and began to massage her neck as if he could tell she was tense.
“No, about my classes.”
“Are you nervous or excited about them? You seem really tense.”
“I’m horribly anxious and freaking out.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t focus when we are together and I don’t want to give up my time with you – but I also don’t want to give up my goals. I am halfway through getting my bachelor’s degree. I cannot stop now.”
“Nor would I ask you to,” Dylan said quietly, moving beside Eva where he could look at her, his eyes fearful and searching hers. “I would never expect you to give up your dreams or quit studying. I’m grateful for the chance to spend time with you – but I don’t want this between us to end.”
“I don’t either,” she whispered painfully as he gathered her hands in his. “It just takes so much time, so many hours of concentration to absorb what they are teaching me… and admittedly – I am not the best student.”
“I’m sure you are an amazing student and we can work together on this.”
Eva didn’t say anything and stared at their hands, his fingers laced with hers. She was mortified as a tear drop landed on them, yanking her hand away and wiping her eyes.
“Eva, whatever is wrong we can talk about it - don’t do this,” Dylan breathed, wiping her cheek. He urged her to look at him and the dog climbed into her lap protectively, licking at his arm.
“Can I see you for lunches at the café and Saturdays only – that way you have all week to yourself and Sunday to study. Will that work? Do you need a different schedule? I’m willing to do anything to support you, but I won’t step into the shadows because you are scared that I will mess up your future.”
“I’m not afraid of you – I’m scared that I don’t have enough discipline to do what I have to in order to pass.”
“I can be helpful and remind you of what’s coming, if needed.”
“Do you like people reminding you to test your blood sugar?” she asked, wincing, as he pulled back immediately from her.
“That’s not fair… and not the exactly the same thing.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You are asking me to step back and simply give you up until you are ready to spend time with me again? Is that what this is?” Dylan said angrily, getting to his feet.
Eva glanced up at him and saw the raw pain on his expression, feeling her eyes fill with tears once again. Her heart was breaking and she knew she was doing a poor job of explaining her fears to him. She wanted him but needed him to understand her need for time alone too.
This was going so wrong and hurt so much!
“I’m sorry. I would do anything for you – anything at all – but I will never give up how you make me feel. If you need space, I will give it to you, but only because I care far more than you realize.”
“Dylan – please. I just need a little space in order to find something that works for me. I don’t want what is growing between us to be damaged by that.”
“Me neither. I just wish that being by my side ‘worked’ for you too. I’ve got to get home for a bit. I’ve got an appointment late this afternoon.”
“Oh? Do you want me to come with you?”
“I don’t want to take up more of your time today,” he said softly, looking away. Eva knew he was hurt, but she just needed a little breathing room. She was afraid she was getting too close to him and had almost told him her feelings the other day. If he loved her, he would understand – wouldn’t he?
Dylan knew he wouldn’t be able to hide his feelings from her for very much longer. His heart was breaking in two, but he also understood what she was saying. He would never push himself on her or make her give up her dreams. His dream had been to serve in the military and he remembered how painful it was to be kicked out on a medical discharge. If she needed space, he would give it.
How could he not support her?
Eva was his everything.
He wasn’t lying when he said he had an appointment. He did – with a realtor. The idea of creating a home and future with Eva kept him from breaking down completely at her request for understanding and time.
Time was something he could give her, even if it hurt. It was a valuable lesson he’d learned over the last year, giving himself time to learn how to take care of his body and patience to not rush into things head on.
Discipline had never been his strong suit and he admired and was humbled by that part of Eva’s personality. She was driven and dedicated, whereas he felt like he was just coasting along sometimes – except when it came to her.
He loved her more than he thought he was ever capable of.
He wanted the silly picket fence for Sweet’NLow.
He wanted to carry Eva across the threshold and show her what love was.
When she’d stared at the baby a week ago at the cookout and started crying, he knew she was thinking of her own childhood, and it nearly broke him. That is when he realized he wanted to protect her and give her everything. He wanted to love her and become her family.
Dylan wanted to marry her.
He wanted to give her security, for them to make-up for all the ills of the world with their love – together. He yearned to be the rock she leaned on and protect her from ever being hurt again or feeling neglected.
Days turned into weeks and Dylan realized he was doing everything backwards, according to Mike, but Cora said his plan was terribly sweet. Ava, Lily, John, and Colin said he was a dreamer. He’d even emailed Post to see how he was doing and get his thoughts on the matter.
If you love her… show her. Good luck, man – let me know when the wedding is and we’ll fly in for the event. You deserve all the happiness in the world and love you like my own brother.
Jamie
Dylan felt like such an idiot getting weepy eyed at buying the simple wedding bands for them. He did settle on a small solitaire and promised himself they would upgrade it someday. He wanted to buy her any one of the huge rings in the case because he wanted to prove to her just how much he adored her.
Instead, he went with what he knew, what she would consider important for them and give her what no one else could. He spent the money in his savings on buying their first home together three weeks later.
The house was two blocks away from John and Lily’s home in the older part of town. He’d seen it, the neighborhood, and the distance from the school and knew it was utterly perfect. A small ranch style home from the seventies that was sha
ped like a ‘U’, with a brick courtyard that was easily viewed from almost every room in the house. It needed a little work, but nothing he couldn’t do.
He kept himself busy working on the house in the time that he was away from Eva. It was killing him to see her at the café, knowing that he needed to stay away. He would respect her wishes and give her time to study or work.
Nothing could affect how he felt about her. He loved her more than life and would simply dedicate his time, pouring his soul into showing her just how much he cared. He threw himself into building a nest for them to grow in someday.
The first room he worked on in their place was an office for Eva – a place for her to study. He’d ripped out all the old wood paneling and painted the room a soft grey color, lining one of the walls with a set of cedar bookshelves that flanked a window. He bought a gazing ball that dangled in the archway of the window, casting a soft glow on the room.
Thankfully, all his friends came over to help with the kitchen. It hadn’t been touched since the house had been built and the sheer volume of avocado and mustard-colored items was staggering. They ripped the cabinets out, yanked up the linoleum, and started over from scratch.
Inspired by Eva’s eyes, he found a tile backsplash that was a pale blue color and combined it with stainless steel. He loved older touches but appreciated a modern look as well. Lily had found a clock from the Fifties at a thrift store that was perfect. She’d cleaned up the metal framework and hung it on the wall as an accent piece. The massive silver starburst glistened perfectly against the walls.
Most of the other rooms just needed a little paint or deep cleaning. It was almost comical to think of how intimidated Dylan felt working on what he hoped would be their bedroom someday. He wanted Eva to have an influence in their home, but he also didn’t want her to be disappointed with the condition of it either.
Dylan bought some wood and repaired the picket fence, putting a new latch on the gate so he could bring Sweet’NLow home before starting to move in. The sweet little dog they both adored was the first addition in starting their home. He felt downright domestic weeding the yard and planting flowers.
Dylan barely had any real furniture of his own from his time overseas and living with Ethan. He scrounged antique malls, garage sales, and Goodwill looking for unique, eclectic pieces that reminded him of Eva.
There wasn’t a lot, but the few pieces he picked up would at least get them started – especially once he got a few more paychecks under his belt. The house, the staggering amount of updates, and the furnishings, was more than he’d expected.
Time was passing. He didn’t feel quite so bad because he was focusing on the end goal. Dylan was going to marry Eva and felt it in his bones.
Eva felt emotionally raw.
She missed Dylan with an intensity that left her speechless and feeling gutted to her soul. She’d seen him briefly at the café for his lunch breaks and occasionally on the weekends. She had to pass one weekend due to a massive report that had to be done and he always seemed to understand.
Well, it was killing her and she couldn’t take it anymore. Being away from him was more distracting than seeing him ever was. She was struggling in her classes, at work, and sleeping. Everything she did or said, she thought of him or saw his face in her mind’s eye.
That afternoon at the park had left her feeling so wretched and sour, it hurt. She had truly thought she was doing what was best, before she realized that being with him was what her heart needed.
Glancing up at the clock, she saw that it was nearing noon on Friday and her time away from him was over as of now! There would be no more pushing him away, she couldn’t bear it. She was terrified she would lose him or he’d find someone else due to her stubbornly distancing herself from him.
The haunting thought that Dylan might think that she’d abandoned him, tore at her soul. She knew what that was like - and would never, ever, put anyone through that. Lying in bed one evening trying to outline her paper, she’d come up with the solution.
She would simply take one less class each semester and extend the length of time it took to get her degree. She could work at the café easily until she’d graduated and found a job with the school district.
Lily had mentioned that when she had her degree, she’d put in a good word for her with the principal and the school board. It was sweet of her to offer. Eva knew that Lily loved her job and the satisfaction it gave her.
Eva wanted that same feeling in her life someday.
Glancing up, she saw Dylan walk in with John for their lunch break. When he’d worked as a dispatcher, he’d worn a dark polo shirt and khaki pants. Now that he was on patrol with John, he was always in an officer’s uniform and looked incredible.
The dark black of his uniform made his tan skin look utterly magnificent and combined with his bright hazel eyes… and wowzers! He gave her that tender smile as he walked to the counter and Eva couldn’t help but notice that sexy swagger he had. How she missed seeing him the last few weeks! Twenty minutes a day during his lunch break just wasn’t enough time.
“How’s class going?”
“Meh, it’s class,” she shrugged, trying to play it cool even though her heart was doing somersaults in her chest. Her soul recognized his and felt like it was on fire at simply seeing him nearby.
“Do you need any help studying? Can I get you anything?”
“Tell you what,” she said softly, leaning down across the counter and crooking her finger at him. She had no backbone left when it came to Dylan and gave in to her raging emotions. She wanted to see him so badly and now that he was here… she couldn’t pass up the chance. She remembered the first day he walked in, flirting outrageously with her, and each time afterwards.
“Are you busy tonight?”
“No,” he said, looking a little stunned, yet pleased. His lips spread into that gorgeous smile that made her knees weak and she knew that this was right for both of them.
“Let’s go dancing,” she breathed, lowering her eyes playfully. “There’s a place nearby that has dancing on Friday nights and I miss you having your arms around me.”
“Are you sure?”
Eva didn’t answer.
It was sweet of him to give her a chance to back out or change her mind. She could see the hesitant look on his expressive face. Instead of answering his question, she did something completely out of character for her.
She reached over instead, grabbing the collar of his shirt, and pulled him boldly to her in a kiss right there at the counter. It didn’t take two seconds for him to respond, knocking the business cards and holder onto the floor with a clatter.
“Technically that is assaulting an officer,” John cleared his throat noisily as Eva backed away slowly from Dylan, stunned at the intensity of the kiss. John laughed merrily, patting Dylan on the back, before continuing, “but somehow I don’t think Dylan is pressing charges.”
“She can assault me like that anytime she wants,” Dylan stammered, looking amazed and awestruck. “Can I have that for lunch – with extra helpings on the side?”
“That’s not on the menu, Officer Luka,” Eva teased, feeling lighter than ever knowing that he was still affected by her.
“Dancing. Yep! I can’t dance, but we’ll do that or whatever you want so long as I get to see you,” he said quickly, running his trembling hand on the back of his neck. She knew her kiss affected him because he looked completely dazed. For a moment she worried about his blood sugar, but it was his smile that kept her from asking about it.
He was utterly fine – just moved.
“Seven?” he blurted out, clearing his throat and blushing. It was so cute to see him nervously look around to see who had seen the heated kiss. John stood behind him with his arms crossed over his chest and a goofy grin plastered all over his face at his friend’s obvious embarrassment.
“How about six?”
“Really?”
“I can’t wait to see you.”
“Is the semester over and I didn’t know it?”
“No. I miss you that much,” Eva admitted.
The smile on Dylan’s face was priceless. He held out his hand and she put hers in it, watching curiously as he held it aloft of the glass display and tugged her down towards the end of the counter where the swinging doors were.
“You go ahead and order, John. I’ve got everything I want or need right here,” Dylan said tenderly, pulling her into his arms and kissing her again until she was breathless.
She could see the look of relief on his face and knew that it was hurting them both to stay away from each other. There had to be a way to dedicate herself to her studies without giving up her heart and soul.
“I can’t wait to see you later.”
“Kiss me again.”
“With pleasure, darling.”
Chapter 10
Eva almost laughed as she saw Dylan pull up in front of her apartment early. He was obviously just as excited as she was to see each other. She’d been ready to go for almost twenty minutes, sitting beside the window and watching for his vehicle.
Dancing might not have been the best idea for a date, but it was sure better than going to a movie where she couldn’t focus on his smile and they couldn’t talk. At least this way, he would have his arms around her and they would be moving in unison along the floor. She’d happily sacrifice a few smushed toes for that any day of the week.
Quickly locking the door behind her, she turned to descend the apartment stairs and saw he’d just started coming up them. They both stopped and looked at each other, as a moment was shared.
“I’m so glad to see you.”
“I’ve missed you.”
Eva started down the stairwell and saw that he held out his hand towards her. She loved how tender and old-fashioned he was. There were times where they’d be walking along and he’d hold his crooked arm out towards her, allowing her to take it. If they were out, he’d pull out the chair for her or open the car door. He was so outgoing and courteous, yet so tender and sweet.