Remember Joy Page 4

  Dear Mike,

  I am not sure why I’m doing this other that it might be something that gets me over a giant mental hurdle. I don’t know why you’d want information about me because I’m just me. Nothing special. I work hard – really hard, actually and its driven by fear and lack of trust.

  I don’t trust anyone. I’ve been burnt too badly in the past and it’s really damaged me. So there. You have a Candy Crush friend and pen-pal that has issues… feel free to back out now. I work fulltime at the claims center with Ava but that’s to pay the bills and I have no intention of being there for life. That sounds harsh but gosh… I want so much more from this broken, barren life.

  Cora stopped and sniffled, wiping her nose, as she read that last statement. It was brutally honest and from deep-down inside. Wiping her eyes, she continued on.

  I want the Hallmark Channel movie of the week. I want to be free to be myself, not this frightened mockery of a woman who’s looking over her shoulder all the time and double-checking herself. I’m trying so hard to make something more of myself; that I have so much more to me that is simply hidden and I want to use those talents. I started my own website a few years ago - building or repairing other websites. I’m good… really good. I want to make it take off so I have a nest egg, a cushion, some way to take care of myself when things get rough.

  I have no one to depend on and that isn’t a ‘poor me’ statement- it’s the truth. I’ve been on my own since I was fifteen. You asked about me, so I am telling you. I’m currently twenty-six with no attachments or no grand life-events to acknowledge or share with you. I’m not a homeowner, no dog, no kids, no family, barely a jalopy of a car… but I’m going to remedy all of that someday. Period. Hallmark Channel is my goal and I think it’s fairly realistic.

  I don’t want the moon and stars – I simply want to blossom into the person I know I can be, the one that is struggling to be discovered… and I want to remember the joy of the journey with fondness, not hatred or disgust. ‘Be the best person you can be and you’ll have no regrets’ was what my mother always told me before she died – and I’ve taken that to heart.

  I’ve always pulled back, drawn into my shell, but that has only left me lonely beyond belief. Why am I telling you this? I sound pathetic to my own ears and slightly whiney. I need a friend that doesn’t need much from me because I simply don’t have it in me to give.

  Now, I need to get back to my next client online and fix his slider bar on his page… in fact, I am not sure I’m actually going to send this email – but then again, maybe I will simply so you know who you are dealing with because I can’t see you run rolling your eyes in Afghanistan when you hit the delete key.

  Cora

  Cora sighed heavily and clicked send.

  Chapter 3

  Dear Mike,

  Today is Friday and I feel much better. I must have been in a really rough place to have sent such a mushy email. I got the slider bar fixed on the webpage and made a cool fifty bucks to go into my savings. I hope all is well with you right now. Maybe I will simply drop a few smaller emails that are a little more upbeat. ‘The Daily Life of Cora’, or some garbage like that…

  Friday’s are my intro into the weekend and I can really spend some time at the computer plugging away because I don’t have to get up early the next morning. Fridays are also ‘Funky Friday’ because I like to play music. Do you like music? What do you listen to? I play everything – pop, rock, country, oldies, some rap… right now I’m listening to a group called ‘I Don’t Know How but They Found Me’ – long name, awesome songs, look it up… and you are welcome.

  Cora

  Hey Mike,

  I know you said you get access to the computer once a week – that’s rough. I keep telling myself that limited access is why you haven’t written back and to quit worrying. It’s Monday, which means the start to another long week of mind-numbing claims, numbers, medical jargon, and time away from my computer. In other news, guess what I discovered? I have no green thumb whatsoever. I didn’t think it was possible to kill bamboo – but yeah, I did. I had three bamboo stalks in a small vase on the windowsill and they are dead. Is that a bad sign?

  Cora

  Hi Mike,

  Omgosh I am dragging and on my fourth cup of coffee already. I worked on a complete mess last night until three in the morning and had to get up for work at six. I’m exhausted. I forgot my lunch on the counter at home, didn’t charge my cell phone, and realized I wore two different shoes to work. I hope no one notices that screw up. Wish me luck getting through today cause it’s barely ten in the morning and I’ve got about six hours left. I thought about napping in my car but I’m afraid the police would find a roasted carcass instead since it’s so hot right now in Texas.

  I hope the caffeine kicks in soon,

  Cora

  Mike stared at the computer screen. He felt like he’d had someone reach into his mind and pluck out his innermost thoughts as he read Cora’s emails. He understood what she was saying on a level so far deep down inside of him that it was almost uncanny.

  Her words, ‘a broken, barren life’ resonated inside and gave him goosebumps. That was exactly how he felt but couldn’t find a way to describe it. Desolate? Lost? Alone? Scared? Adrift? All of those adjectives wrapped up into one simple sentence that made his heart pound with understanding and yearning to make it better. He was freakin’ stuck here for an unknown amount of time, but she was free to make her choices and change things. Why would she think he wouldn’t bother to write back when he felt like someone finally understood him?

  Dear Cora,

  I have access for an hour today and I find myself sitting here in awe, staring at the computer screen. I get what you are saying about the Hallmark life and so very impressed by your letter.

  It’s okay not to trust anyone – don’t let anyone ever tell you differently. Self-preservation, in any form, can never be wrong. You have to protect yourself if you feel threatened and people do it all the time. Life can be scary intense, overwhelming, or cold but that shouldn’t prevent you from making friends. I hope you can consider me one.

  I’m sorry to hear someone hurt you, and here if you want to unload about it. My friend got hurt and I remember what it felt like when it happened but the ripples it caused in camp were endless. I think that was part of the reason I asked for help finding a pen-pal. I needed someone to talk to and so thankful it’s you.

  Admittedly, when I read your words about a broken, barren life – I felt like I’d been struck dumb (Wilkes would say that I am dumb, but whatever). I want so much more too. Sand, rocks, explosives, and being alone can’t be everything. I want to someday meet someone, have a home, have a family, and be part of something greater that just myself.

  I’m so impressed right now that you are bettering yourself (and your life!) by developing your own business. Wow! You are an amazing, impressive woman and I am taken aback for words. You don’t sound whiney or pathetic in the slightest – please don’t ever think that you can’t share something. I need someone to talk to and I might be wrong, but maybe you do too? It helps to unload and I hope I don’t come off as a loser in my emails to you.

  My buddy Post is going through some sort of fiasco back home so when I was getting ready to sneak on the computer to email you on Friday, I found out that he needed it more than I did at that moment. I’ve never seen the man look so shell-shocked. Post said he didn’t want to talk about it but I’m going to see if I can drag it out of him without getting my nose broken again by one of the guys.

  I’m twenty-six too, just FYI. Single, dark brown hair, brown eyes, with a bump on my nose from where my CPO socked me one day for making fun of him. Did I mention that I like to goof around a lot to lighten the mood?

  I’ve never planted bamboo nor really been anywhere long enough to develop roots (get it?) but I’m hoping someday that I can. Military life can be tough but so rewarding too. I’m paid, I’ve got plenty of benefits, and can travel the wo
rld … just wish I wasn’t here right now. I’m hoping to get a chance to pick a different locale in the future only I don’t know where I’d go.

  I adore music so I will definitely look up that group. I listen to everything too - including classical. Have you seen any plays or concerts? I’ve seen several gigs on base when the groups come into town for an event. My favorite so far was watching Toby Keith play. When I’m feeling down, I try to listen to something peppy. I’m listening to ‘Uptown Girl’ right now by Billy Joel and tempted to get up, dance, and snap my fingers to the music, but I also know that if I did – I’d never hear the end of it from the guys.

  Don’t work too hard this weekend and share when you can. I’m heading to iTunes next to get a few songs by that group. Thank you for the suggestion and the emails. There is no way I’m hitting delete or not responding when this has been the highlight of my week, Cora.

  Keep ‘em coming,

  Mike

  “You finished, Cooper? You’re cutting into my time,” Parker said hotly, crossing his arms over his chest.

  “Yep. I’m just sitting here to keep the chair warm for you, buddy,” Mike teased and hurriedly clicked send before logging out. He didn’t want to lose the email nor have anyone else read it. Perhaps he’d sneak in during the night and send Cora another one. As he walked out of the building, he realized that he’d completely forgotten to send her a Candy Crush life or extras for the game. Maybe he would do more than just send a letter later, he mused, smiling to himself. He’d send another series of candy bombs to her game again so she could keep playing.

  Mike made it a point to walk past the building several times, peeking his head inside each time to see what the wait time was for the computer. Having assigned times was cramping his style and he was anxiously awaiting a reply from Cora or the chance to log on to the game. Every time he went past, there were usually two or three men waiting for their turn.

  Walking to the Exchange store that was on site, Mike stopped in to get another uniform shirt for himself. The last one had lost a button and tore at the pocket. As he stood there waiting to pay, he glanced around and saw a small charm on a chain in the case next to several keychains, knives, and compasses. The charm was a tiny compass engraved on a disc. It looked almost like a starburst until you saw the tiny initials indicating the direction that North and South were in.

  “Is this all for you today, Cooper?” the clerk asked him as he set his shirt onto the counter. Mike glanced back down at the case and hesitated. It was awfully personal to send a gift right away and they were barely acquaintances, but it just seemed so fitting to see something like that out of the blue.

  “I’ll take the little necklace too.”

  “That for you?”

  “Ha ha. Very funny, Wilson. Don’t you have something better to do with your time other than harass a paying customer?”

  “Yep. I can take your hard-earned money,” the clerk named Wilson said chuckling. “That’ll be ninety-eight dollars.”

  “What?”

  “The shirt is twenty-five bucks and your little piece of jewelry plus Uncle Sam’s cut makes up the balance. Want me to put it back?”

  “No.”

  “I didn’t think so, lover boy. Get your girl something pretty and she’ll put up with your ugly mug for a while longer.”

  “Shut up Wilson and just run my card, will ya?”

  “With pleasure, Coop.”

  Tucking the little box in his pocket, Mike walked out of the Exchange store and stopped in his tracks. His shoulders slumped as his whole demeanor sagged in defeat. He’d picked up the little necklace without thinking the whole thing through. He didn’t even have Cora’s address and she openly told him that she didn’t trust anyone.

  Asking for something as personal as where she lived was sure to be a hard ‘no’ from her. He’d wait to mail it to Cora until Wilkes got back from his suspension – and then send it to Ava’s address to give to Cora. The last thing he wanted was to come off as intrusive or prying… or even desperate. He really liked what he’d read so far and it only piqued his curiosity about the mysterious woman.

  Chapter 4

  Mike got up in the middle of the night days later to check the computer availability. Sure enough, most of the camp was asleep with guards stationed at various points to make sure they were safe as they rested. He found that if he befriended the guards, they generally left him alone, but if he snuck around, then he would end up in trouble every single time.

  “Computer again, Coop?”

  “You know I’m addicted to my game,” Mike confessed lightly and opened the door to the building. Sure enough, it was empty at this hour. He was supposed to be sleeping but he couldn’t get Cora’s email out of his mind and the little necklace he’d purchased seemed to be calling to him. He really wanted to impress Cora and the more he replayed her email, the more he craved contact with her.

  Sitting down, he logged in to his game and collected the daily token gift for simply showing up. He wasn’t sure how long he would have and knew from experience that other guys snuck into the building at all hours simply for a chance to reach out to their loved ones as well. Mike sent several more candies and tokens to Cora before exiting the game. This surprised him that he didn’t even bother to load a game or play a few. He simply wanted to say hello again.

  Logging into his email, Mike deleted the junk mail and saw that Cora hadn’t replied yet. He sent off a quick email to Wilkes asking for Ava’s address and another email to Ethan Minter to see how he was doing. Last he heard, Minter was going through a rough spot trying to find his way and head over heels in love with a woman he’d met named Daisy. Wilkes was supposed to be returning in less than a week, but he couldn’t stand the wait. He wanted to mail the necklace to Cora immediately. Cracking his knuckles, he took a deep breath and began to type.

  Dear Cora,

  I hope you are resting right now but I know with the time difference it’s probably about three in the afternoon and I’m betting you are at work. I’ve kept replaying your email in my mind and still in shock at how we both seem to think a lot alike. I downloaded that music group and you are right – they are fantastic.

  You shared so much with me that I wanted to be upfront with you too. I’m lonely and infinitely jealous of some of the relationships others have going on around me. Everyone seems to have someone at home or someone they are talking to. Your words struck me when you referred to wanting a life like a Hallmark movie - now hear me out…

  What if we are supposed to be pen-pals? What if this is all some big design by the Big Guy for us to meet someday? I mean, I don’t want things to get weird but you seem super nice. What if we are destined to be friends in order to make that next step in our lives?

  There are so many thoughts rolling around in my mind right now that I’m a little freaked out, so I can only imagine how you are probably feeling reading this. I’m not some weird stalker – and you are literally thousands of miles from here – but what if we upgraded from friends to ‘best-of-friends’? I mean, is there a difference really between the two? I’m being truthful - I’d like more out of this but I can’t define what ‘that’ is right now. It’s just my gut instinct is waving the green ‘Go!’ flag at me.

  Sorry I’m rambling. It’s just after two in the morning here and I’m probably not thinking straight. I just really enjoyed your emails and wish that I could get the computer more than what I can now. I wish I could email you every day and vice-versa but I know you are busy or scared.

  Write when you can,

  Mike

  Returning from patrols, Mike yanked off his pack and helmet once he got close to the quarters. He was covered in sweat and grit from being out in the sandy, blistering heat. They’d found several homemade bombs and were able to detonate them safely. His ears were ringing from the noise and every time one went off, he expected to hear someone screaming. He still heard it in his sleep sometimes. Untucking his shirt to try and cool off, he stomped h
is boots onto the ground outside the tents before ducking inside. Walking over to his bunk, he started in surprise at the small package on his bunk.

  “You get something, Coop?” Post asked, smirking as he dumped his own gear onto the footlocker at the end of his bunk.

  “It’s probably yours and you know it, knucklehead,” Mike smarted and picked up the box, glancing at it.

  “Trust me – that isn’t from Annabelle,” Post smarted off angrily, causing Mike to look from the package to the other man in surprise.

  “What happened? Is planning for the wedding getting to be too expensive?”

  “We aren’t getting married.”

  “What? Since when?”

  “Since she is pregnant with another man.”

  “You have got to be kidding me,” Mike gaped in shock. Post and his fiancée had been engaged for almost two years. She was the reason he’d signed up for this location voluntarily. He wanted the hazardous duty pay that came with being assigned to Afghanistan. They were saving up for a house and to pay for some huge glorious wedding that Annabelle insisted on.

  “Nope. Turns out she hasn’t been spending the money on the wedding, she’s been living the high-life with some other guy.”

  “Seriously? Annabelle? I can’t see that in her from what you’ve said about her in the past. She seemed so nice and sweet.”

  “She is,” Post interrupted. “She’s so nice, sweet, pretty, and apparently in love with another man. She’s pregnant, Mike. I can’t marry her after she’s strung me along and then fallen for another guy. I broke it off and closed our shared account.”

  “Post, man, I am so sorry.”

  “Me too,” Post admitted, shaking his head in disbelief. “I’m just really glad that I found out before we got married rather than after. I still care for her and she’ll always be special – but to someone else now… not this fool. What did you get, Coop?”