Remember Joy Page 5

  Mike looked down at the box in his hand and felt his heart turn over his chest. It was from Cora. He’d received a few short emails from her, but nothing like the first couple that she’d sent to him. He was simply glad to hear back from her because he was pretty positive he’d scared her off by sharing what he’d thought or felt deep down inside.

  It was utterly insane to like someone so much based off a few things they’d said, which made him feel like a gullible fool. There was no way he could be as lucky as Wilkes or Griffin… Post was proof that you just never knew what was going on with someone you cared for. Mike had thought that the couple was untouchable – yet she found someone else.

  Unwrapping the paper, he was careful not to tear the return address. He felt himself smile as he saw the P.O. box number, knowing that was another safety measure that Cora took to hideaway. She really didn’t trust many people, which made him feel so much more humbled when it came to what she’d shared with him. He would be mailing out the necklace he’d bought her immediately. Wilkes was supposed to be returning any day now but failed to give him an address because he was so busy talking about how much he adored Ava.

  Glancing down, at the box in his hands, he laughed. Inside was a single large box of Candy Crush gummy candies. He smiled at the gesture as he opened it up. It was full of little sour squishy candies in the shape of the tokens and candy bombs from the game. Some were melted or stuck together from the heat, but for the most part they were in great condition. Mike happily popped a sour candy in his mouth and grinned at Post who stared at him like he’d lost his mind.

  “You must really like gummy candy.”

  “It’s kinda our thing right now.”

  “You have a thing with her?”

  “I certainly do on my end and I’m wondering if she does too.”

  “Cause she sent you cheap candy?”

  “Because she thought enough to send something and I have her address now to send her a little something in return.”

  “That makes you weird and a true goofball.”

  “I’m okay with that,” Mike shrugged and tossed another piece of candy up in the air, catching it in his mouth. The burst of sweetness combined with tart powder made him almost gleeful as he realized that Cora might be just like the candy she’d sent. Bitter and sour on the outside, but once you got to the center of who she was, she’d be sweet and utterly wonderful.

  That evening, Mike set an alarm on his watch and got up about three in the morning in order to try to use the computer. He heard his alarm go off and immediately hit snooze, hearing several angry grumbles nearby. He ducked as Post threw his pillow across the room and uttered a few blasphemies. Wilkes was back and hadn’t said a word, but collapsed in his bunk at some point after Mike had gone to sleep. The man was lying there fully clothed on top of his covers and snoring from exhaustion. Slipping on his clothing, Mike practically jogged over to the building and took his spot at the empty computer.

  Cora,

  I can’t talk long as I’ve got to get some rest. It’s three in the morning here and I figured the longer I waited, the more likely the computer would be empty. I mailed you something today once I received your package. The candy was completely unexpected and amazing. I can’t thank you enough for thinking of me. You didn’t have to but it meant a lot to receive something in the mail.

  Speaking of, I’m glad you are still emailing but I worry about having said something wrong. You seem to be pulling away and I don’t want to drive you off. I really look forward to your emails and it’s killing me wondering what I did. You can say anything – and I hope you know that. If you want to tell me to get lost, then say it. I’d rather have the email so I can figure out how to fix things than to deal with the distant politeness. I hope that makes sense.

  Mike

  Mike loaded up the game and sent Cora several more tokens. He clicked back on his email and was stunned to see a response already. A feeling of dread filled him. Cora had never replied so fast – ever. Swallowing hard, he clicked on the notification.

  Mike,

  I’m glad you got the candies and enjoyed them. It was really nothing much so I wouldn’t make such a big deal about it. Yes, we are friends but you are coming on a little strong for me. You didn’t have to send anything in return. That’s not necessary. I picked it up because I was grateful for your email and the help you gave me in the game. I get the impression that you are looking for more than a friendship and I told you I have trust issues… lots of them.

  I like how you reach out and its flattering that you feel like you can confide in me. I know I really spilled my guts when I wrote you and maybe I gave you the wrong impression. I like you – you seem really wonderful, but I’ve got to take care of me first because no one else will. Now, if that seems harsh – I’m sorry.

  I don’t mean to hurt your feelings but I cannot put all my hopes and dreams for more in my life on just your emails… when I barely know who you are. We like the same game, we enjoy similar music, but WE don’t KNOW each other and I don’t see how we could ever get to know each other on opposite sides of the world. That isn’t going to change.

  I am here.

  You are there.

  Distance is my safety net and I need one.

  Of course, I write you, Mike – getting your emails is the highlight of my day but I cannot give you more without sacrificing some of who I am. I won’t hurt myself mentally or emotionally on a long-distance friendship. Ever hear the term, ‘all in on a sure thing’? That’s me.

  I treasure your emails, your friendship, but as we are practically strangers… that is all we can be, Mike. Please don’t be mad or upset.

  Cora

  Mike yanked the trashcan out from under the printer and promptly threw up from the rush of nausea in his body. He was falling for a stranger simply based off of her words and she effectively was shutting him down. He read and re-read her email, feeling his chest sink with each word that she’d typed. It hurt, even if it was the truth.

  He had to find a way to bridge the gap between them because she was effectively telling him to back off as a protective measure. She was afraid of being hurt, in her words, mentally and emotionally – which meant he’d reached her in some fashion and she was scared. Hitting reply, he felt himself break out in a cold sweat and sour bile rumbled in his stomach once again from anxiety.

  Cora,

  I’m not mad and I understand. I value your friendship so much and will give you as much space as you need – just don’t run away.

  I’ll back off.

  Mike

  Cora stared through blurry eyes at her cell phone as she sat in the breakroom alone. Ava was working through lunch today to get a bit of overtime on her next paycheck. She was glad to be by herself so no one could see the strangling panic she felt in sending the email - even if it was the truth.

  Mike scared her to death because she felt herself reaching out towards him so easily via email. This wasn’t normal, and she was terrified of wanting more or being let down again. The emails he sent were so sweet and tender. It was like he wanted to make her smile or was trying to impress her – and he had.

  She was growing infatuated with a stranger she’d never met and that was about as terrifying as the clown from the horror movie trailers she’d seen on television. Letting him down would be better for them both in the long run, wouldn’t it? she wondered, wiping her eyes on a folded paper towel she’d fished out of her lunchbox. If it was better… why did it hurt so much?

  October 2016

  Mike stared at Colin, feeling his gut clench with jealously at watching how happy his friend was getting the video via email. He’d been exchanging emails with Ethan Minter and John Griffin several times over the last few months in order to prevent himself from doing more damage to the fragile relationship he was trying to nurture with Cora. He was still sending her game tokens and limited his emails to once a week. He would spill out his guts but before clicking send – he would edit the email, r
emoving all emotion from it.

  “We both love you so much, Colin. Come home soon!” Mike heard from the iPad that Colin held in his hand. The man sighed heavily as the video ended and looked around, meeting Mike’s eyes.

  “She’s really something, huh?” Mike asked painfully. He was really struggling with keeping from saying anything to her. The last email he had from Cora said that she’d received the necklace from him – and that was it.

  “I can’t believe how beautiful she is inside and out. She’s everything to me.”

  “You are really lucky,” Mike confessed.

  “Did you ever email that girl Ava recommended?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Nothing?”

  “I guess not every little email will end in sunshine and rainbows, will it?” Mike snapped angrily, feeling a wave of loss roll through him. “Truthfully, I’ve never met anyone so infuriating in all my life. I mean, I sit there and pour out my guts – only to get head-butted verbally in return.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yeah. I guess you and Griffin got the good ones.”

  “Coop- you know there is someone out there for you too. Maybe you can meet a nice girl when you go on vacation or something.”

  “You know why I like that game?” he said, pointing at the iPad in Colin’s hand. “Because it doesn’t demand anything from me and doesn’t care whether I play or not. Girls are just too demanding and hard to understand,” Mike said, crossing his arms, irritated.

  “You know, not to sound crass – but women are like games. They don’t like games; they are similar to one though. You have to know when to wait your turn, when to step forward, when to put down your cards on the table, and when to cash out and run like crazy. If writing Cora is making your gut instincts scream for you to cash out and run… Do it, buddy. There’s bound to be another girl.”

  Mike laid down in his bunk and stared at the ceiling above him. He laced his fingers behind his head and whispered aloud something he’d never expected to admit to anyone. He was falling for the woman and it was like dying on the inside.

  “Not like Cora.”

  Chapter 5

  “I’m not so sure this is what I need or want anymore,” Cora said gently to the young woman sitting behind the desk. Daisy Greenwell was such a kind, gentle person and Cora had really thought that these group meetings would help her come out of her shell. She knew she was afraid to trust anyone or let anyone inside her inner circle.

  “Cora, you seem to be coming along so well.”

  “And you’ve got some people that need a bit more help than me. I have trust issues and that isn’t such a bad thing sometimes.”

  “No, that is true – but you aren’t an island. You are going to need someone in your life someday. How will you handle it? Will you be able to let that person be themselves and can you cope with the fact that you cannot control them? People are bound to make mistakes and let you down at some point – but that doesn’t make all of them terrible or unworthy of your friendship or trust.”

  “I’m trying to make friends.”

  “How have you changed?”

  “Well, for starters – I meet Ava for lunch almost every day and we sit together.”

  “That’s wonderful,” Daisy said emphatically, smiling. “Do you have conversations? What do you talk about?”

  Cora was surprised by the line of questions. She and Ava rarely talked. At her silence, Daisy nodded knowingly.

  “You are going to have to try to make an effort to be part of a group. Sitting with Ava is the first step but you should try chatting with her. Why don’t you meet up after work or something? Go shopping or go for a walk in the park. In fact, you could take my newest dog home with you. It would give you an excuse to go for a walk in the park so you felt like you had a purpose in being there. A little distraction can help things along.”

  “I can’t really take a dog,” Cora said frowning. “I’ve got a little place and I’m not much of a dog-person. I mean, I’ve always wondered what it would be like but not right now.”

  “Do you even want to meet Dino? He’s super sweet and gentle.”

  “No,” Cora said firmly, thinking about her deadlines she needed to hit. Her time was over and now Daisy was on her time. “I appreciate it, but I need to be going. I’ll think about what you’ve said.”

  “Did you want to schedule again?”

  “Not right now,” Cora said evasively, “My schedule is hectic and I need to see how everything is going to work out.” Daisy nodded knowingly, making Cora fidget nervously at the keen stare from the woman’s piercing eyes.

  “I’m here if you need to talk.”

  Cora thought about Daisy’s words over and over again the next several days. Her life had become quite dull, throwing herself into her work all the time with not a lot to show for it. She wanted something new, exciting, and wonderful. The only thing that had fit those qualifications had been receiving Mike’s emails. Each time she saw his name pop up in her email, she couldn’t help the thrill of happiness that hit her.

  “How’s your game going?” Ava said congenially at lunch one day.

  “Pretty good.”

  “How’s Cooper?”

  “Fine.”

  “You are chock-full of info, aren’t you?” Ava announced teasingly.

  “I really don’t have much to share.”

  “Don’t have – or you don’t want to?”

  “Maybe both?”

  “What are you doing for Thanksgiving, Cora? Do you have family nearby?”

  “Me?”

  “Yes, you,” Ava smiled pleasantly. “I was invited by a few friends to attend a pre-Thanksgiving feast at Shamrock where Daisy Greenwell lives. I guess she’s going to be hosting it. There’s supposed to be a turkey and all the trimmings.”

  “Well… I…”

  “It’s okay if you have plans,” Ava said politely. “I just thought I would invite you if you were going to be alone. I hate being alone lately and I seem to be moping quite a bit. I thought getting together with friends might help ease some of the pain in Colin being gone.”

  “I’m sure it’s terrible to say goodbye to him,” Cora said sympathetically and suddenly stopped, thinking. Was this what Daisy meant when she said she needed to meet people or talk to them?

  “I don’t have any plans.”

  “Then you’ll come?”

  “Sure. I’ve got nothing else going on right now.”

  Chapter 6

  November 2016

  Cora sat gingerly in the room and watched the scene unfold in front of her. She’d felt leery about spending the day with everyone for Thanksgiving and now that gut reaction was right. She was so happy for Ava and Colin but no one had ever indicated that Mike Cooper would be flying in with Colin for the holiday.

  She’d watched as the tall blond man walked in the front door and Ava practically tackled him like a professional football player. Another man walked in and Cora nearly swallowed her tongue. He was utterly gorgeous. He was almost as tall as Colin with short dark brown hair that looked almost black in the dim lighting and dark eyes that matched. He had a wide enchanting smile that seemed to light up the room and made her heart flutter… and then she heard Colin speak.

  “Jeez Coop, gimme a minute or two- will ya?” Colin groaned in annoyance as he held Ava in a massive bear-hug in the middle of the living room of Daisy’s home.

  “It’s nice to meet you Mr. Cooper,” Ava laughed, not letting go of Colin. “No hugs for you, sir. I can’t let go of this guy yet.”

  “You’ll never have to,” Colin murmured sweetly, making Cora feel envious of the relationship between the two of them.

  “Can we get out of the doorway at least?” Mike said ruefully. “It’s chilly out compared to Afghanistan. My bum’s got goosebumps!” He brazenly reached behind him and rubbed his derriere emphatically against the cool air outside.

  A few more introductions and greetings were made before Ava returned t
o her seat looking stunned. Colin’s parents had flown in to see him and it was obvious Ava had no idea what was going on. Cora watched the scene unfold around her, utterly torn. She knew that coming today took her away from much needed time to work. Now she was face-to-face with the man that irritated the fire out of her and scared her like no other could.

  Mike.

  Ava had told her the man was lonely and wanting a pen-pal. She claimed he was an expert on the game she’d been playing on her cell phone during lunch one day. Even Daisy seemed to be pushing her towards reaching out to someone so she was a part of the world around her and found a way to unwind, relinquishing control. She couldn’t help the stringent morals that she’d had to develop to get by. No one else would ever take care of her and she had been alone since she was fifteen – abandoned.

  Now, this man wouldn’t leave her alone and she’d regretted the initial email. She’d written him, saying hello and confessing about her deepest darkest secrets. There had been no chance that anything would come of it and it was cathartic to get it out on ‘paper’ it seemed. Only, Mike had written back – with an understanding and offer of friendship that scared her.

  And he had never stopped writing even if he’d toned it down a bit!

  For every few letters he’d send, she would respond with just a quick note out of guilt. The man was pouring out his guts to her and she felt like an absolute heel. An entanglement meant distractions… distractions meant loss of production – which lead to loss of income.

  Cora would never be homeless again.

  Ever.

  She didn’t understand it – and Mike confused her to no end. She liked order, craved it, needed it, in her life. Control kept her safe – and safe kept her fed. Mike was just going to disrupt her life- in more ways than one! She liked him and she couldn’t afford the distraction nor the emotional entanglement. It was only a matter of time before the handsome man realized that she was his absentee pen-pal.