Remember Hope Read online

  “So, I have to agree with that guy over there,” Ava said, pointing directly at Ethan. “I don’t think there is a reason for everything but the result of my trauma is something I never expected. I am dealing with a resentment and a love I never expected all at the same time to a child I never anticipated. I’ve been robbed of my confidence, my innocence, my very life – but given another to care for. Is there a reason or justice to it? I don’t know. I haven’t figured that out yet but I would think that someday I will move past the pain and anger.”

  “How old is your daughter?”

  “She’s six weeks old.”

  “Where is she now?”

  “My mother is watching her tonight for me.”

  “We are glad to have you here. We’ll all get through the hurt together.”

  Ethan was tense in his chair as he realized that the woman was right. Some injuries aren’t seen or noticed. He wasn’t sure which was more painful- being struck down mentally or physically. Everyone here had lost something that tore them asunder from the root and they were rebuilding their lives into something they could call their own.

  Several others talked about their experiences and he was surprised at how some of their events made his own seem trivial. He’d nearly died but these people were living through mental traumas made real that affected their daily lives. His was a constant reminder, but theirs was something insidious that snuck up on them without warning. One of the men, an ex-marine with PTSD had been shaken by something as simple as going to the gas station. He’d been filling his tank with fuel and due to a defect, the intake exploded on his engine. Bob said he knew that now but at the time, it sent him scrambling for cover.

  The thought of reliving that moment where the bomb went off over and over again in his head unexpectedly was terrifying – yet these people around him were dealing with it. Ethan as coming to the slow realization that he should be grateful to have a chance to heal and move on because he wasn’t so sure some of the others in the room would.

  “Ethan? Ethan?”

  “What? Oh, sorry,” Ethan said, startled that Daisy had been saying his name. He’d been distracted and lost in his own thoughts, something that he seemed to be doing quite a bit of lately. “What were you saying?”

  “Did you want to share anything this week?”

  He sat there for several moments quietly, staring at his neatly pinned up jeans. He knew he didn’t have to talk but right now the thought of what had happened wasn’t so debilitating.

  “I was on patrol when it happened,” he whispered, unseeingly, as the scene flashed back in his mind. “My best friend, Wilkes – uh Colin Wilkes,” he stammered for a moment feeling like he needed to relay everything suddenly as it poured out of him cathartically.

  “Wilkes and I were goofing off. We were dressed in full gear and I remember how hot it was that day- not a cloud in the sky. My CPO was ahead of us with his bomb-sniffing dog moving about ahead of us. When Radar would stop, we’d stop and let the canine do its job. We all had a job to do- clear the hills and watch for hostiles.”

  Swallowing hard, he felt that pang of loss again- but it wasn’t just losing his leg. It was losing connection with what his life was… he’d been happy. Out in that sand-filled world, he had felt a part of a team and part of a greater purpose. Here, he felt adrift and lost.

  “I remember hearing and feeling the click under my boot. I heard Radar bark just seconds before I was airborne. I’ve never heard a silence like that before after the blast. The concussion of the bomb hit me hard. I was laying there in the sand and kept seeing my teams faces above me as they blocked out the sun. I couldn’t hear my buddy but his lips were moving and I knew it was bad from the look on his face. My CPO ran over and yanked off his belt, while Colin held my head. Nobody would let me look down for several minutes but when I did – I knew I was a goner deep in my soul. I woke up later to this,” Ethan said pointing at his leg.

  “A drug induced nightmare that had me on the next plane home as soon as I was stable. Alone. My friends, my team, my life was gone and I’m trying to figure it all out again.”

  Feeling suddenly self-conscious, Ethan shrugged and grew quiet. He felt several pats on the back from people sitting next to him and the ex-marine suddenly hugged him, making him feel awkward. Nodding politely, he happened to glance at Daisy and caught his breath.

  The sheer pride in her bright eyes was humbling. If he hadn’t already realized just how pretty she was before – he would have been struck dumb at that very moment. She was breathtaking and simply glowed in front of him as if she was illuminated from behind. His heart was pounding like a young boy experiencing his first crush on a girl out of his league. Suddenly everyone was getting to their feet and Ethan vaguely realized there was silence again around him. He was completely focused on the beauty across the room. Baxter jumped in a chair nearby and plopped himself on Ethan’s lap possessively.

  Everyone got up but him.

  Daisy didn’t say a word but rather shook hands and hugged several people as they filed out for the evening. He couldn’t move and found himself not wanting to leave. This was such a bad idea to become infatuated with her but she’d wiggled her way into his mind. Each time he was frustrated or upset, he didn’t think about the playful puppy lying in his lap anymore. He thought of her. He thought of them watching TV together, or the way she’d looked at him that day when he’d bumped into her trying to fetch a towel to dry off Baxter.

  She’d looked at him like he was a man.

  A whole man – undamaged.

  He’d dreamt of her that night and woke up with a new outlook that had him thinking twice about the counselor. Maybe he’d been led to her door for another reason? Not just to heal but to gain a new friend… or possibly even love? He’d found himself watching her more and more closely, wanting to make her smile… but other times, he was self-conscious- running away from the thoughts and desires in his mind.

  Daisy walked back into the room and smiled shyly at him, making his stomach leap into his chest. He found himself admiring the way she moved gracefully as if nothing was wrong. The sway of her hips made his mouth run dry and his heart race. It wasn’t just the look of a friend or colleague; it was the unknowing look of a girl interested in a guy.

  “You made a breakthrough tonight,” she began, taking a seat nearby. “How do you feel right now? Do you need to talk?”

  “I feel like I’m going to do something stupid,” he admitted, staring at her and seeing the confused look in her eyes.

  “It’s not stupid to share what is on your mind. That’s what people do.”

  Daisy laid her hand on top of his where it sat on the arm of the office chair. It was done innocently, but the touch of her soft hands made his blood boil with an emotion he’d not felt in such a long time… he wanted to kiss her.

  “Will you have dinner with me?” Ethan blurted out nervously, feeling his face flush and steeling himself for rejection that was sure to come. All his careful thoughts were gone the moment she’d touched him. There was no way she’d say yes to him. He’d hired her as his counselor. He needed to keep that at the forefront of his mind. This was a bad idea – a ludicrous thought from a pathetic lonely guy. A relationship or dating Daisy was something that he just needed to get out of his system.

  He saw her large eyes widen in surprise and closed his against the next expression he expected to see – disgust. He’d asked out a few women since the bomb but the moment he had, they’d all glanced at his leg and said no. It hurt so much to get shot down repeatedly when he used to hear acceptance all the time before he’d lost his leg. He’d never lacked for women’s attention before and was keenly aware of one woman in particular right now. Daisy. The moments ticked by and he could hear the small whirring that the ceiling fan had in the room as it spun, circulating the air.

  “Yes.”

  Daisy couldn’t believe she’d uttered that aloud. She should have said no. She could have recommended someone else see him
at that very moment, turning him over to another counselor. Instead she listened to the voice in her mind that was screaming giddily over and over again a resounding response:

  YES! YES! YES!

  She’d been watching him from afar over the last few weeks, seeing him grow and blossom into the man he must have been at one time. They’d watched a few shows together after group once or twice. The last time, she’d been stunned to hear his laughter at something on the screen. He had a throaty chuckle that made her melt into a puddle of happiness- a sound she’d heard over and over again in her mind.

  Tonight had been a breakthrough and she’d been so proud of him! He’d opened up and spoke aloud of what had happened to him. She could imagine his fear and realized that he was stronger mentally than anyone ever gave him credit for. Daisy had been slowly dying from the infection, so she’d grasped at the chance to live. While her fight was slow and insidious, beating her down over time… this man in front of her had been struck down instantly.

  This was a huge hurdle he’d crossed, being able to talk about it and remain calm. Sure, there would be setbacks, but it was that first step that was the hardest one to take. Apparently he’d decided to take two of them tonight – the other one being that he was asking her out. She saw the anticipated rejection and felt his hand tense under hers. She’d meant her touch to be comforting or soothing, savoring the feel of his warm skin under her hand.

  “Yes,” she’d uttered softly – surprising herself and him. “We should celebrate.”

  “Yes?” Ethan repeated, stunned. His face transformed; it blossomed with an upturned grin that suddenly had her smiling. “Really?”

  “Yes really,” Daisy laughed shyly, glancing away. She removed her hand from his and sat back nervously. “I should have probably said no.”

  “No because you don’t want to go… or because of this,” he said, gesturing to the chairs in the room. She saw the doubt in his eyes and found herself staring at him, slightly breathless as she pictured him leaning towards her in her mind. He was incredibly attractive – even if he was insecure.

  “I’d like to go out to dinner with you,” she admitted softly but before she could say anything else, he’d grabbed his crutches and got to his feet. Baxter scrambled to jump off Ethan’s lap before he was deposited onto the floor carelessly. The puppy managed to leap down and looked at them both.

  “Nope,” Ethan blurted out joyously. “Don’t change your mind and don’t second guess it.” Daisy got to her feet, surprised at the sudden rampant excitement racing in the man. She opened her mouth to speak and he held up a hand. “No. You said ‘yes’ and I want to go out with you. That’s it. You and me. Now, what do you like to eat?”

  Laughing, she smiled and folded her knuckles together to keep her hands from clapping happily. She’d not felt such joy in so long and couldn’t wait.

  “Anything. I’m not picky.”

  “When do you want to go? Now?”

  “You don’t think it’s too late?” she asked, glancing at the clock and felt like a fool. It was barely seven in the evening. It was actually a perfect time to head to dinner, she was just surprised that he wanted to go out on a date so soon. He must have suspected that she was going to back out, because he got a wicked glint in his eyes that made her catch her breath.

  “I’ll pull up my truck if you want to get your purse, Daisy,” Ethan said softly, his dark eyes unreadable. “I’m not going to let this chance pass me by.”

  Chapter 9

  Daisy’s hands were shaking as she quickly picked up Baxter and put him in his kennel. Ethan was taking her on a date… now! She wanted to look pretty and feminine but didn’t have time to change. Instead, she was wearing a button up shirt covered by a sweater. It was cool out still and dressing in layers was almost a must for her.

  Hurrying, she slipped. Daisy fell hard onto the linoleum flooring in the hallway. Grabbing the chair rail that ran the length of the wall, she pulled herself up slowly back to a standing position. Her prosthetics made her feel normal but they didn’t flex the same way as her own feet had. If she’d had her legs, she would have probably rolled an ankle- which wouldn’t have been much better than the sore palms she had now, using her hands to catch herself.

  Making her way to the restroom, she hurriedly brushed her hair and ignored putting on makeup. She didn’t want Ethan to have to come back inside to check on her nor did she want him doubting this move he was making asking her on a date. Part of her wondered if he would be actually waiting in the truck and another part wondered if he would drive off- realizing the error of the impromptu question. She understood the push for urgency because he was right – if she’d had time, she would have found a way to back out. Grabbing her purse and a coat, she made sure the rest of the house was closed up before locking the front door behind her.

  Sure enough, the truck was there at the base of the ramp and running. As she made her way down the ramp, she offered up a silent prayer, please don’t let me fall in front of him. She was surprised and flattered to see him exit the vehicle, making his way to the passenger door.

  “You don’t have to do that,” she chided gently, blushing at the attention. He was making her feel like this was special to him. He stood there with a nervous smile on his face as she stepped towards the truck. He opened the door for her and Daisy glanced up at him, realizing just how close he was to her.

  “Maybe I wanted to,” he murmured huskily, his dark eyes watching her. She couldn’t speak as she felt her body respond with waves of anticipation washing over her. It wouldn’t take but the slightest movement to lean forward and kiss him. Time seemed to freeze as they simply looked at each other for several moments before Ethan cleared his throat. “Get in. I don’t want you to be cold.”

  Nodding, Daisy sat down in the truck. She moved to close the door and quickly put on her seatbelt as the driver’s door opened. Ethan got into the truck and then stopped, hesitating.

  “I need to put my crutches on the passenger side floorboard. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize. They won’t bother me, I assure you.”

  “I should have thought of this.”

  “Actually, this whole thing is pretty impromptu- isn’t it?”

  “Are you nervous, ‘cause I sure am,” he admitted, looking at her in the cab of the truck.

  “Very much so,” she admitted softly. “Now, grab the crutches and shut the door. It is really cold out, isn’t it?”

  She watched him twist around to get the crutches and met his eyes when he was trying to position them on the passenger side floorboard. The crutches stuck up awkwardly between them, almost like a wall. The driver side door closed and she heard the faint sounds of the radio playing softly and felt the warm air from the vents.

  “I’m glad you said yes.”

  Daisy felt herself smile at the honesty of his words. His dark eyes held hers and she stared at him, fascinated. “I am too.”

  “What would make you less nervous around me?”

  “If you weren’t looking at me all the time,” she confided. “You look at me like… well…”

  “Like you were the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen and I’m glad you said yes tonight?”

  “You don’t have to lay it on quite that thick,” she laughed, feeling her pulse flutter at his words.

  “They’re true. Would you rather see a movie instead of dinner? I can’t see you in the dark but I might want to hold your hand.”

  “I think I’d like that.”

  “Then let’s see a movie and we can have dinner later or next time,” he teased, winking at her. Daisy flushed with happiness as she realized that he just asked her out again as he put the truck into gear. They drove to the theater and Daisy’s voice filled the cab of the truck as she chattered on nervously. When they arrived, she was surprised to see him get out quickly and realized he wanted to open the door for her again. She moved her leg to allow for the crutches to slide out easily.

  The passenger do
or opened and Ethan held out his hand to her. She noticed that he had the crutch pinched under his arm to hold it still while he stood there. She lightly touched his hand and felt his fingers under her, strong and warm. She never imagined holding someone’s hand would make her feel so happy or ladylike. She also realized comically that Victorian times had dating down to an art if this was their idea of winning over a woman. As she stood, Ethan grimaced for a moment and hesitated.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I need my hand to walk with these,” he admitted, his tone frustrated. She could see that it was really important to him to hold her hand and it made her toes curl in delight. Thinking, she snapped her fingers and smiled at him.

  “I’ve got an idea.”

  “What? Leave and go to dinner?”

  “Wow! Do you give up so very easily?” she admonished teasingly, a bit surprised but understanding too. He wanted normalcy but to him that was holding a girl’s hand during a date- something he couldn’t do right now.

  “How about we walk together and try something else?”

  “Such as?”

  “Such as… it’s too cold to debate right now, let’s get walking and you’ll see.”

  Ethan indicated she should go first, watching him shut the door. She stepped out between the cars and immediately moved to his side. Instead of holding his hand, Daisy tentatively lay her hand on his shoulder. At the touch of her hand, he glanced at her, surprised, and she saw the warmth in his eyes. Nodding, she smiled. “Let’s go.”

  There was a variety of movies that had come out in the last two weeks. Daisy picked a comedy that was starting soon for reasons she kept to herself. She loved action and sci-fi movies, but secretly wanted to hear his laugh again.

  They walked in the theater and she saw several seats open closer to the screen and plenty available higher up in the stands. As if everything was orchestrated, there was a pair of seats not far from where they were that would have a good view without either of them having to take flights of stairs. She didn’t want to mis-step in front of him, nor did she want to put him in an awkward position where he could fall.